My Secret
As hard and real as I can appear to be, I have a confession. I'm a sap for romance. Give me a glass of wine, love songs, or a romcom, and I'm set.
I watched Survival of the Thickest on Netflix at least three times. Why? Because it's funny and I love that she chose to be brave. She decided to leave what was comfortable yet didn't feel right anymore to the unknown. *Spoiler alert* To summarize the show, her live-in boyfriend of five years cheated on her. During their break-up, she focused on advancing her career and experimenting in the dating pool. She met someone different; he enjoyed her goofy antics and generally seemed to be a good human but lived in another country. Ultimately, she had to choose between her ex-lover, who wanted her back, and the new one with challenges. Although repairing the old was tempting, so was trying something new and out of her comfort zone. Isn't there a saying that magic happens outside of the comfort zone?
I love the choice she made. Sometimes I think about how I would've done things differently like maybe I should've moved to Spain.
My mother reminded me of a song by Teddy Pendergrass called When Somebody Loves You. (I really miss real music.) But if you don't remember or know the song, the lyrics are:
"...To be loved and be loved in return
It's the only thing that my heart desires
Just appreciate the little things I do
Oh, you're the one who's got me inspired
Keep on liftin', liftin' me higher
So good, good lovin' somebody
When somebody loves you back
It's so good needin' somebody
When somebody needs you back
We can build a world of love, a life of joy
Make our goal each other's happiness
I will do for you anything that I can
Oh, every day I wanna do a little more
Do a little more, just a little bit more."
Where am I going with this? Just hear me out. I operate with a sense of bravery by taking chances. I will move across states several times to start over, be fully in relationships, and then leave when it's not fulfilling anymore. I love security, honestly, but I also despise boredom. To take a chance to be uncomfortable in hopes of experiencing something magical is worth it. Sometimes, it's a flop, but not always a regret.
And when I think of marriage, I can't do mediocre. I have to feel what Teddy was singing about! I wholeheartedly believe that marriage is hard work. You are making a conscious decision to love this person through all their sh*t and life's sh*t day in and day out. As one of my former therapists called it, it means being united spiritually (us) against the world. That you are 100% in it!
I recently had some conversations with two men who have divorce on the table. Both are married for at least a decade. One debating on staying out of comfort and familiarity, the other thinking of staying to preserve the family and biblical responsibilities. Neither one of these men said love, which I find interesting. I won't judge their decisions but to further confirm what I want.
So, to my future second husband, please note that I need you to be with me because you love me. Not because of kids, properties, comfort, predictability, etc. Literally, because I'm worth being with and fighting for. Otherwise, be brave enough to let me have what I deserve, even if that means losing me.
I don't want mediocre love. Life's too short.
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