It Ain't Easy...

 This January, during my show “If I Can Be Frank!” I discuss a lot about self-love. Self-love comes with a responsibility to understand yourself. I discussed emotional intelligence and how to improve it with my cohost. My past guest explored her life to reflect on her childhood through her adulthood journey. This helped with her healing process and making decisions more beneficial to her mental well-being. Looking at yourself is no easy feat, but knowing how to care for yourself is necessary.

It takes courage to look at your past, your shadows, your trauma, the most profound memories hidden in your closet, and identify where you have caused your inflictions to stagnate growth. I know I have stomped my growth with decisions I have made, for whatever reason… searching for love stemming from daddy issues, making decisions based on societal norms, declaring I was exploring my sexuality when I was running from my pain. I was always searching for ways to fill the void in my life through either sex, alcohol, bad relationship decisions, and I’m sure more. I pretended I was okay by still focusing on my career while being in turmoil when I wasn’t at work.

The crazy thing about self-reflection is that it can’t occur unless you can self-reflect and be self-aware. And being self-aware may not happen until a situation causes you to react. I’ve done so much work on myself these past eight years, and I still find myself in situations that trigger me. I must reflect on what happened in my past to understand why I am being triggered.  

Recently, I was dealing with someone that I truly enjoyed. One evening, after we drank bourbon and talked for hours, I went home and cried. I was indeed triggered. I felt so unworthy for some reason. This man did nothing different, and it was a great evening. What I realized after journaling it out, I concluded that an old daddy issue arose. I used to have so much anger and anguish around why my father loved me differently than his other children. And as much as I felt I had accepted our past, our relationship, and forgave him, it still came up that night. I say all that to say the work is never done. Not until you can go through various scenarios and not be triggered. But the good news is that the more you heal, the faster you can discern what’s you and what’s the other person and make decisions/actions accordingly. As far as the above example, it had nothing to do with this man, nor do I have any anger towards my father. It’s the negative self-beliefs that I’m still working on to improve my self-love.

 I hope everyone's healing takes time to live in joy and not fear. That’s what I’m working on now. Not going for that job, starting a business, or exploring a new love interest out of fear… fear of failure, disappointment, fear of what others think, etc. People don’t give themselves enough credit for how resilient they are. Many believe God only gives you what you can handle. So, handle it. Learn the lesson, feel the feelings, go through the process, be honest, do what you must to get through it, and live in peace. This doesn’t mean shutting off the world but living and taking chances. For example, I didn’t date for over a year after my divorce. Mostly because I didn’t trust anyone anymore. But I decided to open myself up again and return to the world. And so far, it’s been good. I type this as I smile. Lessons are still being learned, triggers are still being healed, but joy is being created, and that freedom to do what I want as I please because I know I’m going to make the best decision for me is blissful.

Loving me first,

Laticia