How to lose a guy in 10 days...
Just kidding, I didn’t lose him in 10 days. It took about 60 days, and he lost me. 😊
I started my dating journey this
past January. Ya’ll, I truly do not like online dating. It’s just not my thing.
For someone that is big on energy, that can’t be felt through an app like that, in most cases.
I went on several dates with someone over the past two months. My friends call
him Nature Boy. Nature Boy and I had a brief encounter over a year ago on these
apps, but we never met up until this year.
Our initial date, which I blogged
about already, got lighter. I realized that sitting and drinking was probably
not the best idea for hanging with Nature Boy. Physically doing things made him
more present and less in his thoughts. The dates where we were out and about greatly
improved, allowing us to vibe higher. It
was easier to put our guards down, be comfortable, and excited about being
around each other.
Ya’ll catch the past tense? So, what happened? Short story short, I’ve managed people for decades, I’m a life coach, and I’m observant AF, so I knew my relationship with Nature Boy would be short-lived. I didn’t think this short… I gave it until summer tops. But after being disappointed by him for the first time, I decided it was best to let him continue his journey without me.
I recognized some positives from this dating experience:
- I’m not trying to fix anyone or looking for a project unless I’m being paid. There’s a difference between support and thinking you can change a man. Trust me, I know you can’t change a man.
- Your intuition is powerful and quite magical! Nature Boy is not a bad person. He is an extremely nice and caring individual. I respect that he was vocal about his intuition and could express what felt right and what didn’t. The fact that it was communicated is appreciated. It allowed me to pause and listen to mine and choose not to continue to date.
- The beautiful thing about practicing being in the present, it eliminates that wishful and future hoping and allows you to deal with the present moment. What is this person showing you today?
- My body still holds on to trauma from my ex-husband, past boyfriends/fiancé, and childhood events. I had some visceral reactions to encounters with Nature Boy that I had to process and understand what was happening to me. My therapist suggested I read “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
Although I am nowhere near done
with the book, I appreciate some information I have learned through other studies
and practices. Some key takeaways simplified: there’s two main nervous systems, the central nervous system (brain,
brain stem, spinal cord) and peripheral nervous systems (regulates organs, sensory,
etc.). These systems speak to each other and the ways that our body will
respond to experiences The Polyvagal Theory- connect the branches of the vagus
nerve to numerous organs and the interplay between the visceral experiences of
our own bodies. This theory looks beyond fight or flight and links relationships
to the center to understand trauma.
Why is it important to understand visceral responses? Well, according to the book, to be in “charge of your life: knowing where you stand, knowing that you have a say in what happens to you, knowing that you have some ability to shape your circumstances” is “our awareness of our subtle sensory, body-based feelings… Knowing what we feel is the first step to knowing why we feel that way,” (VDK, pg 97-98). Another reason why practicing mindfulness strengthens the recovery from trauma. This brings me to point 5:
5. I also realized that to heal, you must be brave enough to put yourself in those situations to practice a new approach. This requires trust, safety, and vulnerability regarding any situation that requires a relationship, work or personal. I’m healing my work trauma and working on my relationship trauma. The good thing is that I put myself out there. The better part is that I quickly realized what was and wasn’t working for me.
On to the next…
Loving me first,
Laticia (aka Kahleesi)
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