Swipe Right

Tonight, I felt compelled to write for the first time in a very long time. Does this mean I’m back to blogging? Nope! Well, never say never, so we shall see.

It has been a hectic busy week full of ups and downs, and it’s only Wednesday. Tonight, I decided to skip taking my kids to soccer practice, play music videos on YouTube, and have a margarita. I started reading Signs and Skymates: The Ultimate Guide to Astrological Compatibility by Dosse-Via Trenou.

Reading only the first three pages, I felt like I was reading the old me. The one that loved deeply and intensely but never fully. Scare to be hurt, I’m sure I self-sabotage relationships before seeing where they would truly go if I allowed myself to be free. A few people come to mind... the “what ifs.” The one I wouldn’t move for, the one I justified the “large” age difference for, and the one I should’ve fought for a little harder. But I don't need closure when I look back at it all. They were what they were and are what they are now. Magical, chaotic, simple, and soul ripping… at times. But all in the past, and I’m trying to stay focused on the present.

But occasionally, I find myself watching teen movies on Netflix like “to all the boys I loved before” or “Ginny and Georgia” It reminds me of those intense feelings in my more youthful years. Something I lacked in my now-dissolved marriage. I miss it at times… NOT MY MARRIAGE, but that immature intensity and energic sharing that was oh-so passionate. Yet I’ve evolved so much... I’m more enlightened and look forward to truly making a deep spiritual connection with someone if that ever happens. Although I’m happy to get to this point of self-love, I do miss dating at times.

 I decided to start dating. I haven’t been on any dates yet, but the first baby step was to put myself out there on a dating app since no one seems to meet organically at Home Depot anymore. So, to the digital instant gratification apps. The swipe right or left without any detailed personality matching like eHarmony used to be back in the day.  Surprising how many men I shift through and chat with, knowing damn well I will probably flake with some excuse or keep the conversation going too long to where they move on. Am I still self-sabotaging again? Maybe... But one thing I don’t intend on doing is going backwards. And believe you me, I’ve had opportunities to go back. Even with Navy boy as of recent. That’s a whole different blog entry (if I do one).

Back to the astrology book. I’ve been getting a lot of Scorpios, Taurus, Aires, and Leos on my feed. I don’t care for any of those signs since I myself am a Scorpio. I decided to pause and read this book, hoping that my preconceived notions will dissolve and lead to me being more hopeful of expanding my palate of preferable signs. To quote Ms. Dosse-Via, “’With whomever you decide to be, so long as you both make concerted efforts to get to know each other’s intricacies and learn how to love without judgment or expectation.’”

And so it begins again… my dating journey blogging… 10 years later...

Loving Me First- Laticia (aka Kahleesi)